194 replies to this topic

[mss]

THIS IS TOO SWEET FOR WORDS!!!
A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand.
"That's a serious step," he said. "Have you thought it out completely?"
"Yes," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark."

"How about transportation?" the father asked.

"I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles," the little boy answered.
The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.

Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, "What about babies? When you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know."

"We've thought about that, too," the little boy replied.
"We're not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!"

==============================================================================
================================================================================


A Tennessee farmer got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring farm and knocked at the farmhouse door. A young boy about 10 opened the door. "Is yer Paw home?" the farmer asked.

"No sir, he ain't," the boy replied. "He wint to town."

"Well", said the farmer, "is yer Maw here?"

"No, sir, she ain't here neither. She wint to town with Paw. "

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"

"He wint with Maw and Paw. "

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.

"Is thar anything I kin do fer ya?" the boy asked politely. "I know where all the tools are, if yer needin to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message fer Paw. "

"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to yer Paw. It's about your brother Howard gittin' my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant."

The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Paw bout that," he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Paw charges $50 fer the bull and $25 fer the hog, but I ain't sure how much he gits fer Howard."

[Bob-C]

Thanks a lot esther231, RD, mss, and spielchekr for all the great laughs. LOL! Cheers, Bob-C

[mss]

To be 6 again A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday. "I'd like to be six again", she replied, still looking in the mirror. On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal With extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being six again??" Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant My dress size, you dumb @ss. The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong. =============================================================================== =============================================================================== NO PARENT LEFT BEHIND.... I promise you cannot read these and not laugh ou t loud. These are real notes written by parents in an ALABAMA school district. Spellings have been left intact. 1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please execute him. 2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot. 3. Dear school: please ecsc's john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33. 4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating. 5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip. 6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face. 7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part. 8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins. 9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side. 10. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels. 11. Pleaseexcuse Lesli from being absent yesterday. She had diahre dyrea direathe the sh*ts. 12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak. 13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust. 14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father's fault. 15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because i don't know what size she wear. 16. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday. 17. Sally won't be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral. 18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines. 19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well. 20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps. 21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover. 22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor. 23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night. Now we know why parents are screaming for better education for our kids.

[Rogerdodger]

Scott, I love it when the moderators have to get moderated! LOL! Bad Boy, but funny.

Edited by Rogerdodger, 03 October 2007 - 07:54 PM.

[esther231]

Alright - this is an old one but it always makes me laugh- On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" She wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?" For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stared, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then an Italian man stands up in the rear of the plane. He is gorgeous: tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt ...one button at a time. No one moves. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest. She gasps. He whispers ... "Iron this, and get me something to eat..."

[maineman]

Scott, I love it when the moderators have to get moderated! LOL!

Bad Boy, but funny.

You took my Al-Gebra joke off? What's with that? sheesh. Was it too smart? or Too funny?

huh?

[esther231]

One of my favorite videos - egads, I need a life.

[spielchekr]

It was good enough that they didn't take it off immediately

[mss]

Friendship Between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night.
The next day she told her husband that
she had slept over at a friend's house.
The man called his wife's 10 best friends.
None of them knew about it.

Friendship Between Men:
A man didn't come home one night.
The next day he told his wife that
he had slept over at a friend's house.
The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over and two claimed that he was still there

[mss]

ANGER MANAGEMENT



Husband: "When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?"

Wife: "I clean the toilet."

Husband: "How does that help?"

Wife: "I use your toothbrush."