7 replies to this topic

[OEXCHAOS]

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."The two sat sipping in silence.A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian ."

[esther231]

lol

[mss]

>.......... WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST > > She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. > > Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. > > Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. > Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. > And her husband is on the back of the milk carton. > > Keep reading-they get better!!! > > WOMEN'S REVENGE > 'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. > As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. > 'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked. > 'No,' she replied, 'bu t my husband refused to come shopping with me, > and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.' > > UNDERSTANDING WOMEN > (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE) > I know I'm not going to understand women. > I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, > pour it onto your upper thigh; rip the hair out by the root, > and still be afraid of a spider. > > MARRIAGE SEMINAR > While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, > Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, > 'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.' > He addressed the man, > 'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?' > Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it? > > CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS > A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. > The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. > He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. > She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. > She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? > He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store > to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco > and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. > So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she. > (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!) > > > WIFE VS. HUSBAND > A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word > An earlier discussion had led to an argument and > neither of them wanted to concede their position. > As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, > the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?' > 'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.' > > WORDS > > A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... > 30,000 to a man's 15,000. > The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... > The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?' > CREATION > A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be > so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. > 'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain. > God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; > God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you! > The Silent Treatment > A man and his wife were having some problems at home > and were giving each other the silent treatment. > Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him > at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. > Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, > 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it. > The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why >>>>> his wife hadn't wakened him, > when he notic ed a piece of paper by the bed. > The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.' > Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. > > God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece >

[esther231]

[mss]

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, "Mary, I won the prize for the Best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

[mss]

What else could he do?
> John goes to his doctor and asks for a double dose
> of Viagra. The doctor
> says, "I can't give you a double dose".
> "Why not?" asks John.
> "Because it's not safe", replies the doctor.
> "But I need it really bad", says John.
> "Why"? Asks the doctor.
> "Because", says John, "My girlfriend is coming to
> see me on Friday; my
> ex-wife will be here on Saturday; and my wife is
> coming home on Sunday.
> Can't you see? I must have a double dose."
> On hearing this, the doctor agrees but says, "OK,
> I'll give it to you,
> but you must see me on Monday so I can check whether
> you've suffered any
> side effects".
> On Monday, John drags himself in. His arm is in a
> sling. The doctor
> asks, "What happened to you?"
> John replies, "no one showed up".

[mss]

FIRST TIME SEX A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whisp ers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist." If you DON'T forward this to at least 1 person you have no sense of humor !!!

[mss]

A couple, attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three very black and totally naked men sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African-Americans in a predominately white, matriarchal society. "In fact," he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society." After the curator left, a young man in a Kentucky T-shirt approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?" "Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?" asked the couple. "Because I'm the guy who painted it," he replied. "In fact, there are no African-Americans depicted at all. They're just three West Virginia coal miners, and the guy in the middle went home for lunch,