DOG DIARY
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
CAT DIARY
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and
I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my
strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I
decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this
would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable
of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little
hunter" I am. bastages!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary
confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell
the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must
learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by
weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow but at the
top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog
receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems to be more than willing
to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards
regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged
protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe at least for now.
