5 replies to this topic

[Rogerdodger]

The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out. Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. -- Mark Twain Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. -- Alex Levine My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. -- Rodney Dangerfield I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. -- W.C. Fields I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. -- Bob Hope We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. -- Will Rogers Don't worry about avoiding temptation . as you grow older, it will avoid you. -- Winston Churchill Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty ... but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. -- Phyllis Diller By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. -- Billy Crystal The only exercise I ever get, is going to the funerals of my friends who do. --Red Skelton At my age, most of my body parts hurt. And if they don't hurt, it's because they don't work. --Rogerdodger

Edited by Rogerdodger, 21 January 2007 - 01:33 PM.

[spielchekr]

You'll know you're old when you no longer trust a fart.

[Rogerdodger]

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son. "Yes, Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...." The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved. When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra. I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top. Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you. If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old. First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down.

[calmcookie]

I'm so old, my wife wants to have sex in the car ... and she wants me to drive. I'm so old, when I put on underwear I can hear the fruit of the loom guys giggling. I'm so old, when I was a kid we didn't have Christmas tree tinsel ... we just waited for Grandpa to sneeze. Rodney Dangerfield

Edited by calmcookie, 21 January 2007 - 01:56 PM.

[mss]

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[calmcookie]

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